Hello friends,
The “I” in CHRIST stand for incest. Incest, according to Webster’s international dictionary, defines incest as “sexual intercourse between persons so closely related that they are forbidden by law to marry,” also the “statutory crime of such a relationship.
Incest may very well be the hardest topic we will have to cover and address. As disturbing as it is for a pastor or priest to betray a child or member of their congregation and sexually abuse them, even more horrifying is when a family member sexually abuses another such as a child or sibling. Part of the reason we want to address incest in our name is so that victims know that we stand for them and are committed to combating such a heinous crime, as well as the fact that religion can be used as a reason to commit incest.
There are far too many Bible stories where blood relatives had relations with one another and some people will seek to take that out of context and use it to condone their actions.
Incest
Incest is an incredibly hard crime to get statistics on, with very little reporting we may not know the full extent of the problem, but here’s what we do know:
-It is believed that about 10% of American families are affected by incest.
-About 5,000 cases of father/daughter incest
-Between 20 and 30% of children with emotional trauma have been victims of incest.
There are also a lot of preconceived ideas about incest and a great many myths, just like rape myths. If we haven’t talked about those yet, now is a good time as any. Myths or preconceived ideas exist for sexual violence. They may that people genuinely think they are true, or people may use it to comfort themselves that there is a reason that such bad things happen. Things like victim-blaming or that rape only happens in dark alleys late at night are just a few examples of these myths.
Some of the myths of incest are:
M: “It only happens in the deep south.”
Not true, like all crime, it can happen anywhere.
M: “It only happens between siblings.”
Actually, most cases of incest are father-daughter, however, anyone in the family can be the victims by each other (except husband and wife, unless they’re related, and even then spousal rape is a thing, but not incest.)
M: “Incest only happens in impoverished families and homes.”
Most cases of incest happen in middle-class families, although like any sexual violence crime it affects all types of socio-economic families.
M: “It only happens between people of low intelligence, and the aggressor (most often the father) is psychotic.
Actually, the “incestuous father is usually a churchgoer, a decent provider, and is usually of average intelligence” (FBI LEB January 1984).
M: “In incestuous relationships, the girl is usually at fault because she was being seductive.”
This is never the primary cause for incestuous relationships, however, the result may be that the girl will be more promiscuous, but this is because it’s all she knows to do and is a way to cope with the trauma.
These are just a few of the myths related to incest and we hope that we provided some valuable insight into the true form of incest.
Incest can occur in your “normal” family. The family that lives in your neighborhood, who you spend time with at a barbecue or party, go to church with, or who look normal and respectable, someone in that family may be the victim of incest by someone else in the family. We’ll give a link at the end where you can read more about the problem of incest, meanwhile, we want to get to the help available for victims of incest.
Help for Victims of Incest
If you were or are the victim of incest, we want to express how sorry we are for that and offer you as much help and encouragement as we can for you to get out of that experience or go on to healing. Even if these things took place decades ago, there can still be a great deal of trauma.
Post-trauma stress is a normal reaction to trauma, though everyone may experience different forms of trauma, or handle it differently, we know that in most all victims of incest, there are life-long affects. Examples include guilt, shame, fear, denial, unpleasant memories and dreams, fear of rejection, unable to let people get close, drugs, alcohol abuse, re-victimization, promiscuity, etc. It is important to get help, to talk to someone, and to get on the path to healing. RAINN also has incest as part of their acronym. Their hotline and online chat staff are professionals at providing help to people affected by sexual violence. You can call the RAINN hotline at (800) 656-4673) or chat online at https://hotline.rainn.org/online.
You can also contact your rape crisis or family advocacy center that may be able to help. Counselors and therapists can also be of great value in helping you in your journey to healing. We believe that it is best to not keep trauma buried down inside of you. It can manifest itself in unpleasant ways. It’s bests to talk to someone and get it out in a healthy way, in a way that you can find some peace and healing in not holding onto that secret anymore, in a way where you can let go of that burden and fly. Those who wait on the Lord will have their strength renewed and “mount on wings like eagles” (Isaiah 40:31), keeping it in can make you weary. Let it out, tell someone you can trust.
If You Know About a Situation of Incest
Although it may be hard to recognize incest because of how normal a family may appear to be, often the same warning signs of child abuse are present. If you suspect something you should report it and in fact may be mandated to do so. “The bulk of the responsibility in seeing that incest cases are reported…lies with the society” (FBI LEB January 1974).
If you come in contact with someone who was abused, don’t tell them it was their fault. It wasn’t. However, too many times the victims are told, by the offender and by the rest of the family that it was their fault, this often leads to more trauma, shame, and guilt. Your focus as a Christian should be to help and care for the victims of crime. Encourage them to talk to professionals about it, such as the hotline staff at RAINN, or to a counselor.
Incest in Faith-Based Settings
As we already mentioned, oft-times the incestuous father is usually a churchgoer. To what extent the religion is practiced in the home we don’t have enough data to say. But for sure, the children have exposure to religion and Christianity and are in a church atmosphere for at least a couple hours. Although religion may not necessarily be a part of the coercion or justification for incest at home, the victims may feel that it is condoned by religion, or that God does not care for them because they see Him as allowing it to happen.
In other cases, religion is directly used as a part of the “grooming” into incest. The offender may quote Bible passages or stories that talk about incest and ignore the consequences in those stories, they may say that God wills it, or say use the text “children obey your parents.”
Don’t think that clergy or their family is immune to incest. It has been known to happen and as we said, incest affects families of all backgrounds. Also, incest may be more prone to happen in faith-based settings that are more cult based. Often because the leaders of these cults have narcissistic personalities and believe they are on the same level of God or are a prophet, and are then allowed to take as many wives (including blood relatives) as they desire.
Whether religion is directly or indirectly used in incest cases, no matter what there is bound to be some form of spiritual trauma to go along with physical and mental forms.
Victims of Incest
Again, if you were the victim of incest at some point in your life, we encourage you to talk to someone about it. Being able to talk to someone about your experience is a powerful way to process trauma and can give you closure and healing. You can contact RAINN at (800) 656-4673) or chat online at https://hotline.rainn.org/online. You can turn to God, He is a true, loving Father who provides for our needs, and takes care of us. Though He may not stop traumatic experiences from happening to us, He can help us heal. God is the best example of a true father. Reach out to Him too.
Helpful Scriptures
Psalm 22:24
Psalm 31:24
Psalm 55:22
Psalm 119:114
Isaiah 40:31
Jeremiah 31:3
Lamentations 3:31-33
Romans 15:13
II Corinthians 1:5,6
Ephesians 2:4-7
James 4:8
I John 3:1
I John 3:20
References
https://leb.fbi.gov/file-repository/archives/january-1984.pdf/view
https://leb.fbi.gov/file-repository/archives/february-1984.pdf/view