Hello friends,
we’re getting toward the end of sexual assault awareness month and are still working on getting through our entire acronym. But we have gotten to the R in CY CHRIST, which addresses our focus on helping victims of rape, or sexual assault. We want to help both adult and youth victims of sexual assault, specifically with sexual assaults that nexus faith-based organizations, either committed by a member or officer of a church or under the guise of Christian faith, spirituality and religion.
Rape
But before we look into how we specifically seek to tackle the problem of rape and how we want to help victims, here are some facts about the crime itself:
-1 in 5 women in the US have been the victims of rape at some point in their life.
-1 in 71 men in the US have been the victims of rape at some point in their life.
-63% of rapes go unreported to law enforcement.
-Approximately 1 in 6 women and 1 in 10 men experienced sexual coercion (e.g., being worn down by someone who repeatedly asked for sex, sexual pressure due to someone using their influence or authority) at some point in their lifetime.
-46% of women were acquainted with their offender and 44.9% of men were acquainted with their offender.
-81% of women and 35% of men report significant short- or long-term impacts such as Post-Traumatic Stress or PTS.
-The lifetime cost of rape per victim is approximately $122,461 for things like counseling and medical care.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Sexual violence is a huge problem and has so many long-term affects for the survivors.
What Can I Do if I Was the Victim of Rape?
If you have been the victim of rape, we want to say how sorry we are that you’ve experienced that and let you know that there are ways to get help. You don’t have to make a report to law enforcement right away but you can find someone to talk to and get guidance from and just share what you’ve been through. Being able to talk about what happened can be very painful but may be the best way to recovery. You can speak anonymously to helplines, either on the phone or online. The Rape Incest National Network (RAINN) hotline is open 24/7. You can call 800-656-4673, or can go to https://hotline.rainn.org/online to chat live online.
You may also want to see if you can find a rape crisis center, family advocacy center, or SANE (sexual assault nurse examiner) clinic near you. They can assist you with finding free counseling, getting resources that you need, medical care and treatment, and getting information for if you decide to report the crime to law enforcement.
For some people calling 911 can be a big decision, for others it’s the only thing they can think to do. We all think in different ways and if you haven’t reported the crime yet you had your reasons, good reasons, to keep you or your family safe, or because you weren’t sure what to do.
The choice to report to the police is yours and it will be a big step that will change your life. But getting justice can be a very powerful thing in your healing, even though it’s a painful process. But you can talk to SANEs, the nurses, or to victim advocates at the rape or family crisis centers, and to people on a hotline for advice and encouragement.
If you do report to the police, ask if they have victim advocates at their agency, or if they can contact someone from a non-government organizational to be your advocate. These people can be your voice if you need them to be and can make sure your needs are met and your questions about your case are answered. You also have rights as a crime victim. They very from state to state, but to get a general idea of what they are, here is what the federal crime victims’ rights look like. You can find them in 18 U.S.C. § 3771.
RIGHTS OF CRIME VICTIMS.–A crime victim has the following rights:
(1) The right to be reasonably protected from the accused.
(2) The right to reasonable, accurate, and timely notice of any public court proceeding, or any parole proceeding, involving the crime or of any release or escape of the accused.
(3) The right not to be excluded from any such public court proceeding, unless the court, after receiving clear and convincing evidence, determines that testimony by the victim would be materially altered if the victim heard other testimony at that proceeding.
(4) The right to be reasonably heard at any public proceeding in the district court involving release, plea, sentencing, or any parole proceeding.
(5) The reasonable right to confer with the attorney for the Government in the case.
(6) The right to full and timely restitution as provided in law.
(7) The right to proceedings free from unreasonable delay.
(8) The right to be treated with fairness and with respect for the victim’s dignity and privacy.
(9) The right to be informed in a timely manner of any plea bargain or deferred prosecution agreement.
(10) The right to be informed of the rights under this section and the services described in section 503(c) of the Victims’ Rights and Restitution Act of 1990 (42 U.S.C. 10607(c)) and provided contact information for the Office of the Victims’ Rights Ombudsman of the Department of Justice.
These are just the federal rights, they can vary from state to state, but many of them have the same rights. You have the right to be informed about them and exercise them.
You are not alone. There are people who are ready and willing to help. Reach out, give them a call and see what they can do for you. If you’re not ready to tell other people yet or talk outloud, you can pray. I firmly believe God hears our prayers and is “a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1.
You may be asking “why did God allow this to happen to me?” The truth is that I cannot come up with an answer to take away the pain you’ve gone through or make what happen right. But I believe God can help you recover and get through this difficult time. And given the choice of facing this alone, or believing in God no matter what, believing in Him can be a great comfort and help you in your recovery and journey to get justice and find peace.
What Can I Do if a Friend or Family Member Tells Me They Were Raped.
If you are a friend or relative of someone who has been raped and they open up to you about it, first realize that they are telling you something of the most private and most important secret in their life, they are trusting you and opening up to you about the most awful thing that has happened to them, and they’re looking for your help, or just your caring and warm presence to listen to them.
If it’s someone very close to you or not, your first instinct might be denial, you care for them and because of that you’ll feel hurt knowing that they were treated this way and you’ll wish that it didn’t happen, that they were mistaken and that this didn’t happen. But it did, and there isn’t anything you can do to change that, but what you can do is give them the best possible outcome. What you say or how you respond next may be the most important words or things you say or do to someone. They’ll impact that person for the rest of their life for good or bad. Say a quick prayer, take a deep breath, and with an empathetic and caring way say, “I’m so sorry this happened to you. How can I help?” Let them tell you what they need. Maybe they just need you to listen to them, maybe they need you to call 911 for them, maybe they have no idea what they want. Whatever they want or need, try to support them. If they don’t want to report and you think they should, be gentle about it, don’t push. Calling 911 for anything is often a scary experience, to report a rape, is even more terrifying. You can tell them the pros and cons to reporting, what you think is best, but give them the power to decide, the power to choose what they want to do. It’s their life and what happen will affect it forever. Respect their boundaries and decisions. Support them all the way.
If your friend or family member is a minor you very well may have to report it. If that’s the case, tell them of your obligation, give them as much time as they need before you call, and stay with them and support them through it.
These are mostly tips for when they initially disclose to you about their experience. What comes next is very difficult for the survivors, and for you, their friend or family, it is very difficult to go through. Don’t allow your temper to get short, don’t burn out either from how much you care. You may want to seek counseling help to to help you. They need you so much, but they need you at your best, and you need help to. Consider reaching out yourself for support.
Rape in Faith-Based Settings
Crime can happen anywhere. This includes rape in faith-based settings, like churches or religious schools. Usually it’s by someone in a position of power, an officer, pastor, priest, teacher, or elder. Sometimes it can be another member, or another student. Many people think that rape is incredibly violent, and although it is a violent thing, that doesn’t always mean a weapon is used, or physical force is used in the way we may think it is. Pressuring someone into sex is rape, because of the power difference between a church leader and member, it can be rape, being told that sex is necessary is also rape.
There are times where pastors or church leaders use religion as a guise for their crimes. They say what they’re doing is going to help the victim, that it is “God’s will,” they use scripture and their education and position to manipulate their victims and it happen far to often. To minors and to adults. And there are many dynamics to faith-based settings that aren’t seen when rape occurs under different circumstances, such as the religious manipulation.
It is important and we enogucarge victims to report it to the police, and potentially to higher leaders in the church. But reporting it in the church is not always the safest thing to do because some churches may seek to cover it up, keep the incident “in house” and deal with it that way. Because churches and church school are non-profit entities and are registered with the state, you can report it to your state’s Attorney General’s office. Many state AGs are actively working investigations into sexual abuse in religious institutions.
Nowhere in the Bible is there ever a claim that sexual acts were required for anything. Salvation comes through faith alone, (Eph 2:8) cleansing through prayer for forgiveness of sin to God, and accepting Jesus’ perfect sacrifice for you (I John 1:9, John 3:16).
These offenders in faith-based settings may also seek to place the blame on the victim and often times will. Don’t let them talk you into believing that it’s your fault, they are responsible for their actions and will be held accountable. Sometimes they are so subtle in their manipulation you may think it’s consensual, but if you have doubts about what happened, felt pressured or uncomfortable in anyway, you may want to call RAINN and talk about it, or report it to law enforcement.
Victims of Rape
We are sincerely sorry of what you’ve been through and want to make sure that you get the help and healing you need. Both physical help, mental help, and spiritual help. All three of these aspects of your life have been affected by this trauma. We encourage you to reach out to the RAINN hotline to talk about your experience and see how they can help you. Once again their phone number is (800) 656-4673, or you can chat online by going to https://hotline.rainn.org/online.
If you’re a member of the armed forces or contractor and are experiencing sexual harassment you can call DoD’s Safe Hotline at 877-995-5247, or visit safehelpline.org
Don’t forget that there may be a rape crisis or family advocacy center or SANE clinic near you that can also give you the help and resources you need.
We also believe that you can find healing in God and He can be reach anytime, anywhere, under any circumstance. Healing is never a quick road, it’s often times a journey. And the questions that come from such a traumatic experience where it feels like God has abandoned you can be hard to answer, at least in a way that will comfort you in the moment. But being able to talk to God and telling Him that you’re hurt, angry, and sad about what happened can comfort you and give you peace, and with faith and time, hope.
Some scriptures to help and encourage you:
Lamentations 3:31-33
Psalm 37:24
Psalm 46:1
Psalm 46:10
Isaiah 66:13
Jeremiah 31:3,4
Matthew 11:21
Romans 8:28
II Corinthians 1:3-7
Hebrews 4:14-16
I Peter 5:6-10
References
https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics
https://www.justice.gov/usao/resources/crime-victims-rights-ombudsman/victims-rights-act